so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
