i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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