Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
