I think my fart just growled at me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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