dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
