so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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