The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
