Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we made out on top of his cat.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize