apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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