I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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