ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
