dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
