I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
