Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
