I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
