Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
