We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
