i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
