I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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