Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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