White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
