bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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