Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
