I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
