I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
