The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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