Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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