we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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