just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
