Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
