mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
40s are totally the cure
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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