my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We are all done wearing pants today
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize