Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
