We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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