If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
