Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
