im drinking this country out of the recession.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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