i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We just shotgunned beers for America
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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