i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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