You can't motorboat a personality
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
