mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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