hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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