Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
