I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
