tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
