Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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