This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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