i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
