so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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