the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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