Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
