Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
