I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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