This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
