Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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