I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
