Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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