so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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