I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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