My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
