remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
